I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
