She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
