Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
