He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
