Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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