This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
