I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
