Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
