matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
