Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
