census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
