Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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