can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize