Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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