Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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