One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
