Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
