R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize