I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
