Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
