Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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