So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize