Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
