It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
