I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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