there's paper in my vomit.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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