Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
