if i can run in heels then i can drive
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
