Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
