help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
