I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
