hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
