1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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