also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
