and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize