Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
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Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
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I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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