i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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