New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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