is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
