At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
