"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
