Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
