Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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