Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
