On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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