I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
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She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
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She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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