I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
