i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
