You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
