He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
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i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
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I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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