I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.