He is an equal opportunity slut.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position