Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
