in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.