Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
