I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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