The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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