his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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