forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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