why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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