I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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