its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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