My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
