i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
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Life is so much better after having sex.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
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I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
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