I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
