i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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