we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
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Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
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so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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